I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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