I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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