He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
