Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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