I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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