i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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