Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
