hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
