You can't motorboat a personality
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
