I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
