If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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