You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
