so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
