Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
