Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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