Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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