Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize