Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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