Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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