You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
