no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
