Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
