Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize