You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Text me some of your sweat
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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