I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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