I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
