Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
