Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
