I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
