1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize