If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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