I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
