I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize