I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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