I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize