I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize