i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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