So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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