It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize