Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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