I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
