do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
