Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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