I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
