Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

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(812): View more from Indiana

i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off

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(708): View more from Illinois

All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.

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(210): View more from Texas

I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.

(571): View more from Virginia

Get fucked.

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