wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
