don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am naked and annoyed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
