We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
