so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
