i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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