Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize