So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
