You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm passing your future prison.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
