he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
