WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you had me at cake vodka
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
