so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
