There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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