I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
