i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize