last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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