A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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