Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
