His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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