Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
