Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
