When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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