Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
