Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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