I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
