can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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