I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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