I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
