I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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