I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize