Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
