I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
