I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
