What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Farmville is her only friend.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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