to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
