she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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