who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
