Your mouth is God's brothel.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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