Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
