dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
