so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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