i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
