forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
