is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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