Me too!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
