My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize