Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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