She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
