After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
