Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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