Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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