What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
