so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
