We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
