So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
