Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize