Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
