Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
