I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
