My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
