I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
