HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
