Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize